Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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