Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
