Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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