My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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