He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
