i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize