i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
