i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
