oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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