o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
did you just send me my own nude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
