i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
