I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
