i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
