what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
