i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
