Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found puke in my bra..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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