he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
