I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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