so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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