no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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