So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize