Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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