My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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