Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
