I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
