there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
