I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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