hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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