'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So here I am, sexting at work.
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