Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
