I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
