shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
