did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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