Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize