My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
