Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
