so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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