i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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