I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
