she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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