i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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