Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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