you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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