you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
