I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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