So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
