i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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