i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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