i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
