Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
