Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my shit smells like andre
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
