I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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