Screwed.edu
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
