WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
