I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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