Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
