Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
