How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
