PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
