I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
