she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
