the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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