I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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