Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
