I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
