I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
