You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
